Discussions
by Purpleriver13
Summary: Of course it was Ino who bought up the subject first. And quite bluntly too as a matter of fact. "What's the worst sex you've ever had?"


**Hi guys! I didn't feel like doing history summer homework which is really bad because cause I have school tomorrow. So what do I do when I wanna procrastinate? Write a story of course! Here's a the little one-shot I wrote this afternoon. Enjoy if you can! And don't be afraid to review :)**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto.**

Of course it was Ino who bought up the subject first. And quite bluntly too as a matter of fact.

Sakura, Ino, Tenten, and Hinata were all lounging comfortably in Ino's living room drinking iced tea and eating snacks. Every month, Ino threw a mini slumber party at her house where all the girls of Rookie nine would do their nails, gossip, and talk about their boyfriends. Currently, they were all talking about the worst sex they've ever had.

"What's the worst sex you've ever had?" Ino said to no one in particular.

"Oh that's easy," Tenten said.

"What happened?" Ino asked eagerly.

"Well, Neji and I were getting it on pretty hot and heavy in his bedroom. We were both naked and pretty aroused when his freaking UNCLE bursts through the door," Tenten whined.

"What did Hiashi-sama do?" Hinata asked fearfully. She could not imagine her father being happy walking in on Neji and Tenten right when they were about to have sex.

"At first, Hiashi didn't seem to register the fact that he got an eyeful because he demanded to know why Neji was late to their usual sparring session. And then, he seemed to finally see that a very naked Neji had pinned down a very naked ME on his bed. For a couple of seconds he just stared. That perv! And then he coughed awkwardly and left," Tenten said. Ino and Sakura started laughing while Hinata let out a sigh of relief.

"Man, the mood must have been totally ruined huh?" Sakura giggled.

"Damn straight it was!" Tenten grumped.

"I could not imagine what would happen if fa-father caught Naruto-kun and I," Hinata said horrified.

"Good. You don't wanna know," Tenten muttered, sipping her tea.

"Hinata. What's bad about your sex life?" Ino probed curiously. There were a few moments of prolonged silence before Hinata answered bashfully.

"Oral Sex,"

Ino just looked plain confused as Sakura nearly spit out her tea. Sakura did not want to think about Naruto's sex life. Naruto was practically her brother!

"Really? I didn't expect anything to be that bad with Naruto because first of all, his body is probably all muscular and defined from years of shinobi training. Second, he has the stamina to probably go on and on for a long time," Ino said dreamily.

"Yes, but oral sex is extremely uncomfortable because of his nine-tail whiskers," Hinata clarified.

"Does it hurt at all?" Tenten asked. Hinata shook her head.

"Then what's the problem with his whiskers?" Sakura inquired.

"It t-tickles," Hinata said shyly. All the girls burst into loud guffaws.

"That is pretty bad," Ino agreen, grinning.

"What about your sex life Ino-pig? Is Shikamaru good in the sack?" Sakura asked smiling saucily. Ino paused and her grin dropped slowly.

"I love Shika-kun with all my heart. But he is the worst guy EVER to have sex with," Ino said. All 3 girls seemed surprised that the promiscuous Ino would stay in a stable relationship with a man who wasn't good in bed.

"Firstly, his muscles aren't as well defined as any of your boyfriends! I mean Neji, Naruto, and Sasuke probably have the bodies of a God! But Shika is a strategist so he thinks of plans where he could beat the opponent and use the least amount of chakra," Ino sighed gloomily.

"And he is so damn LAZY! I mean he thinks that sex is 'troublesome' all the time! He doesn't consider it an important part of a couple's life. Sex is supposed to be when couples feel closest to each other and Shika treats it almost as a chore!" Ino complained. All 3 girls gave Ino looks of sympathy since they knew just how closely the blonde kunoichi valued sex. Ino wallowed in self-pity for a few minutes.

"But it's okay though," Ino said suddenly.

"Because even if he is horrible at sex, I still love him," Ino said, smiling broadly. The other girls grinned.

"I'm so happy for you pig! You finally found a guy to settle down with," Sakura gushed. She had been getting tired of all the clubs Ino dragged her to so they could go sightseeing for men.

"Don't think you can keep the spotlight on me," Ino said devilishly. Sakura sweat-dropped.

"When was the worst sex you've ever had? And why?" Ino smirked knowing this was going to be a good story. Any story involving sex and Sasuke was bound to be a good story. Sakura blushed as red as one of Sasuke's tomatoes.

"How could sex with THE Sasuke Uchiha be bad Ino?" Hinata wondered.

"Hinata is right Ino. What could Sasuke possibly do that could be a turn-off? He has the sharingan too so I bet he and Sakura do all kinds of kinky stuff like prolonging orgasm," Tenten winked. Ino pouted like a disappointed child at Tenten's reason.

"Well there was this one time…" Sakura spoke hesitantly. Ino perked up instantly. Hinata and Tenten looked extremely interested in what Sakura was going to say next.

"One time…." Ino prodded.

"There was this one time we were going to do it after dinner. I made Mexican food for dinner and I guess the good didn't agree with Sasuke-kun so he…he farted," Sakura said blushing like crazy. Everyone was silent for a good 5 minutes. First there was a smile. Then there was a snicker. And finally everyone but Sakura couldn't hold it in any longer and burst out laughing. The kind of laughing that makes you cry and want to pee really badly. Sakura couldn't look at any one of her friends. It was so embarrassing!

"What's so funny?" She demanded. But even she couldn't fight down the smile that threatened to surface. Her friends' laughing was contagious.

"Sasuke Uchiha," Hinata laughed.

"THE Sasuke Uchiha," Tenten shouted hysterically.

"FARTED," Ino yelled triumphantly all while clutching her stomach. She was starting to get cramps from all this laughing.

"Man, the mood must have been completely ruined!" Tenten said, imitating Sakura's words from before. This did not go unnoticed by Sakura and she glared half-heartedly at Tenten.

"I bet it smelled really bad!" Ino chortled.

"It did," Sakura admitted.

"What did you do after?" Hinata asked. Sakura thought for a few moments and grinned slowly.

"I laughed and told him I was never going to make him Mexican food ever again!" Sakura said, finally joining in on her friends' laughter.

"So you just left him with a raging hard-on?!" Tenten said with tears of mirth.

"Sasuke must have been pissed!" Ino said gleefully.

"I was," a smooth, dark voice answered sensually. All the girls froze and turned to the open window.

"Hi Sasuke-kun," Sakura squeaked.

_Oh shit._


End file.
